Scoop Bogey Reports (Posted 10/2007)
Let's dispense with the usual frivolity and get right to the matter…
The final round controversy!
As I listened to the participants discuss the issue with the chairman after the round, one thing came to mind. Who are these two fat bastards and have they entered menopause already!
As a summary, Dave picked up a three footer without it being given on Sunday at #17. Blane reacted by deciding to pick up his 8 footer in retaliation…good-good I guess. Roman who was the third member of the group in typical fashion did nothing (what a weasel). The two heifers got into it. Nose to nose and breast to breast! It must have looked like a red faced cow version of Jerry Springer. White boy Sumo! As we know by now, Dave ended up one stroke in front at the finish. It was then revealed that a similar incident happened earlier in the round. Dave picking up and Blane picking up a longer one. What is the chairman to do? I asked him. His response," I suck, I can't believe how bad I played again this year, get me another Madelia light!"
Of course, in the future, standards will be raised. Check out the archives section to see a couple of new rules and procedures. Yes, even the CGH has succumbed to the era of legal overkill. WHY?
Because two fat bastards cheat like Bill Belicheck.
Isn't it a shame that I have to spend time and this valuable space speaking of issues like these instead of Roman and Jeff's final round collapse and Dave, Jimmy and Blane's hunt for…"sexual relations".
All for now
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
The Scoop Bogey File: Previous Posts and Retorts:
(Posted 11/2005)
Dateline: Williamsburg Va.
Scoop Bogey Reports
To all CGHers:
Sorry for the delay. All the havoc created by the CIA leak investigation stalled my ability to do what I am hired to do. That, of course, is to tell the REAL story at this years CGH tourney in CV.
Most of my comments will be minor because there is really only one big story from this years outing. I do want to ouch on a few items first.
It was fun to have Joe Duffus back at the Hat. No one can tell a joke about Adlai Stevenson like him. Boy, that was funny! Memo to Joe: Mark Russell isn't that good.
Ever had a waitress serve waffles with a chaw in her mouth?
What is it about Houston that produces such gutless performers. Both Jeff G and Todd claiming that their poor finishes were blamed on a tight hamstring. Where have I heard this before? Is that a Houston thing??
Clearly the lack of a go-go bar on this trip didn't affect Craig. He obviously performs just as bad whether his putter is hard or soft.
And the whining about the course at Stonehouse. What a pussy! Can't handle a real golf course unlike that "muni" you belong to?
Did anybody watch Eric at the BBQ joint? Man, how many pig ribs can a Jew from NJ eat? I can't even imagine what it must have been like sleeping in his room that night.
Speaking of the BBQ place. There must have been 200 people in there...and 300 teeth. HAHAHA!
I did want to add to some of the vitriolic comments made about Blane. I think most were too harsh. Yes, he did pull out at the last minute. But what needs to factored in is this is a recurring theme in his life.It explains so much about him, his inability to not pull out at the last minute. Here's hoping that one of his 2006 resolutions will be,"I,Blane Tierney, will not pull out at the last minute this year!"
Quick ping pong summary: Tommy talks trash, Tommy gets trashed. Reduced to playing Jimmy for an hour and a half. Tough match!
All this is really preamble to the big issue:
THE BRIAN WOOD CHOKE!!!
I don't really know what to say. This was the single biggest collapse in CGH history. An 8...a snowman...a quad on the 18th hole!!!
He even resorted to questioning the scores. Blaming the handicaps.
Brian, How do you live with yourself? How do you get up in the morning? How do you not beat your kids and kick the dog OR beat the dog and kick the kids? Which side of trans-gender do you fall? Have you lost your hair just on your head or everywhere else as well?
Over the last few years, we have all heard a lot of trash talk from Mr. Wood. Bragging about his two titles. Remember "Threepeat in the Heat"?
Well all that ended on a beautiful Sunday at the Horseshoe. A "day that will live in infamy"
Brian should be ashamed.
A great trip, see you next year.
Rumor is ALABAMA!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 10/2004)
To all CGHers:
Subject: Shot from the Bunker
It was once again my task to disclose to the world the real truth of the CGH. My mysterious persona gives me access that no one else has to tell it like it was. The first thing is that hotel rooms were no accident. I'm just surprised no one else figured out what almost proved to be a master stroke by the commish. Anything to win!! Getting rooms small enough that Tom and Jimmy could have been legally married back in Mass. was pure genius. Group opinion, Tom should have eaten the bug. And what's with Craig? He was either talking about or paying for Bush all weekend. "Cougars and Pros" , "this place is strong" ...shut up, you played like a pussy!!! ps. You did redeem yourself with the nightlife stuff. Speaking of Pussies, Brian trash talking our illustrious commish on Friday over dinner. Challenging him! On the course on Sat! Opening with what, triple quad triple quad! Last seen, Brian driving over the horizon back to Detroit with a mouthful of Advil. ps. Anders blows! I thought Tom mounted a nice defense. Tino taking a little out of you big boy? What is Jimmy always looking for? How over rated was Glen Abbey? Who didn't try that 208yd bunker shot on 18? Rainout!!! We fucked Eric again. What's it been? Reagan 1 since your last win? What are we to say about Jeff G? Getting married in a couple of months. Dumb Bastard!! Look at the misery of the others! Roman did play pretty well and maybe deserved the Hat but wouldn't of agreeing to a Rocky/Apollo Creed thing with Eric and Blane been cool!! If you want to go down as an Italian marathoner or Paul Hamm, so be it. It was nice to have Alan back but what was he doing to Roman every night to get him to play so well? Are you a cougar or a pro? A moment to discuss those that did not make the trip: Dave Baxter, fag. Nick, Greek fag. Larry, Red Sox fan (i.e.. miserable fag). Sean (wants to be mayor of fags). Tony (country club fag). Does anybody even remember Jeff M being on the trip? And finally...Blane! I have been writing this column for nearly twenty years and never have I been speechless before. How does one describe the scene on Saturday. The heathlands of the Canadian plane, under a gentle breeze...and then ...I can't even describe it! Look up in the sky...is that the moon? Armies from the south...armies from the north. Lightening and fire erupt...animals run for cover. Mountains shake, oceans stir. My Lord!, The gods are fighting!!! And then silence... A 10ft roll for birdie and all is well. Amen! Scoop Bogey
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The Scoop Bogey File: Previous Posts and Retorts:
(Posted 9/2003)
To all CGHers:
Subject: Shot from the Bunker
Reporter: Scoop Bogey
Another year and another Hat!!! Sweet victory for Tom Ferranti.Congrats and all that but the triumph was not accomplished without some tragedy. That is my role as the CGH undercover reporter , of course, to relay the tragedy. To tell the real truth about what happened in Jax !!! So let's begin.
The first subject has to be the incredible collapse of Jeff "pussy boy" Groudan. He earned his new moniker by imploding faster on Sunday than Saddam's Medina division outside Baghdad!! Not that Tom shouldn't be proud of his victory but when you win by shooting a "little 111"...geez!! And by the way Tom...How's that training for the next marathon coming? Cigs and G and T's!!! -
Speaking of marathons and other things Olympic and Greek...we wish Nick N all the best trying to make the Olympic Greek National baseball team. Can't you see it next summer, Athens...gold medal game... USA v Greece...Score tied...bottom of the ninth...Nathenas striding to the plate... cigarette in mouth!!...Bat in one hand ...beer in the other...the weight of his nation resting on ....
DREAM OVER!!!! -
How bad was the performance in the night life category? Simply put, Blane (the butt dart) was our chick magnet in Jax beach!! Enough said.
The highlight was some girl flashing Jimmy and Tony at some high school bar.WOW... titties!!!
Back to the bar at the Marriot!
Nick P is giving poker lessons again. -
Speaking of Nick P. The score is in. Hurricane Isabel wrecked 45 homes, big deal. Nick wrecked over 50 at Hidden Hills alone!! -
You wonder why the a Mideast peace plan has not been done. We managed to do it while eating a rack of ribs and chicken wings. -
Last year in NO we lost Jimmy. This year he lost his clubs. This one is just too easy. -
Has there ever been higher scores shot than on Sunday at TPC. Tony, five balls in on 17 alone! Whew, that was tough to witness. Roman's sterling bunker play.(Did you strike water in that trap). Jeff May, 114 !! Larry/Arnie, whatever your name is, break 110 just once, could you!! That country club thing has really helped your game.-
Worst site: Eight of us lined up by the pool. Looked like a row of yellow squash at the supermarket. -
"Bermuda grass...I hate Bermuda grass!!" -
Nick, it's a left off the highway! -
Roman enjoyed the Hall of Fame. Have we mentioned that he is also a Hall of Famer. (this was a paid message). -
To those who missed the trip this year... we had a blast without you...grow some balls and be in Toronto!! -
Scoop Bogey
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(Posted 6/25/03)
Hello all, it's time for the US Open edition of "Shot from the Bunker"
Alot has happened since Nick's shocking victory in NO. Before we move on to current events however, a few thoughts on NO. For those that missed the trip, it was a great time. Booze, golf, more booze, more golf, K pauls, more golf, more booze, home!! In other words a top CGH experience.
Of course by now, you all know the saga of this years site. We were going to Toronto, had everything booked and then a mysterious disease hit which caused us to change are plans. No it wasn't SARS. We have no Asians on the trip! Monkey pox was the real reason for the switch. We felt it was just too dangerous, what with certain CGH participants "interest" in wild animals. O' c'mon. You can't see Blane and a monkey!
So we changed to Florida, Jacksonville and the famed TPC. Roman of course will be spending all his non golf time by the "fountain of youth". I hope all will make the effort to attend. Hell, the price is right. (note: for any Wednesday attendees we have a special offer to play a top course for a really low price.)
Other notes:
This one is almost untypeable it's so cool. A CGHer completed a marathon. Yes, it's true. Tommy F.finished the Nashville marathon in 4:06. Being that the rest of us can't run up a flight of stairs anymore, that time is a new CGH marathon record. PS. He lost like 30lbs, quit smoking and looks great. Note to Jimmy and Nick, in FLA., take him down!!
Congrats Tom!!!
As you all know by now, CGH chairman Eric had a baby boy. He reports that Jake speaks three languages and is already a six handicap!!
Drew was at game 7 and watched the Devils win the Stanley Cup. Problem was he was so drunk he thought Jerry August should have won the Conn Smythe. (Dennis Ververgart my ass!!)
Sad to report that 2 time CGH champ Brian will not be at this years tourni. Seems it's his sisters wedding that weekend. I find this excuse and his choice unacceptable. Clearly Brian should also be wearing white that weekend. (its a virgin joke...I guess if you have to explain it)
Alan will be back this trip this year. Oh, no he won't. Oh, yes he will. Oh, no he......
Deja vu all over again. Blane just had surgery again. This time on his knee.( stress related injury I guess) Remember what happened the last time he had surgery???? You got it, he got drunk and picked up ugly hookers. I can't wait to see what he draws in retiree heaven.
I'm done.
See you all in Florida.
Start thinking about the pool: "How many CGH balls in the water on 17?"
(Posted 9/8/02)
The time is almost here. This years "Hat" is primed and ready to go. The
field is prepping as we speak. 12 former 'hats' dot the field being led by
the defender Blaine Tierney. The challenges of this years site, namely tough
golf and potential liver disease, have culled a special group. Our feature
course is the PGA tour site, English Turn. A long and tough Jack track with
a great 17th and 18th hole. Can you reach 18 in two???
The weather is expected to be hazy, hot and humid. The city has been
preparing for our nightly assaults. Will Tom, Jimmy and Nick actually sleep
during the weekend??
Best of luck to all!!!
Scoop Bogey
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(Posted 4/26/02, submitted 1/8/02)
To all: Another "Shot from the Bunker"
Hope this missive finds you all well and starting to prepare for golf
season. As the site mentions, all details are in place for this years "Hat".
Sorry it took so long to update the site. We have renovated our systems to
provide more technology. This renovation makes us the only entity doing any
IT spending at the moment.
A couple of updates: For those of you unaware, CGH original member Loy did
have successful quad bypass surgery last month. He is doing fine and will be
returning to the Phillippines soon. As a tribute to Loy, at this years
tourney in NO, we will all have a group cholesterol check...handicap
adjusted of course.
Sean won his March race for judge in SF county. The problem is he
didn't get the needed 50% so he will be in a run off in Nov. It's him and
the "les" in a fight to the finish. Does anybody else think that her victory
party will be more fun!!!
Dave B. fell off a horse....enough said!! He is actually healing and
will be in form by Sept. Dave- realize the fact, your brother is trying to
get rid of you.
Kevin has another bun in the oven.
Drew has been deleted!!
One thing to keep in mind going into this years outing is the number of us
turning 40. More to come on that in NO.
I hope all will be in there.
Scoop Bogey
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(Posted 4/21/02, submitted 1/8/02)
The details for the 2002 Hat have been set. I recently sent out detail sheets. Please hold on to these sheets and reserve the dates. We need to make a big return to competition after last years situation. There is no question that CGH chairman Fishman has a huge advantage after his one week scouting trip to NO. He suggests that you all start your season early this year.
Notes:
Also sent out to you all was a notice of brother Sean's run for judge. As it mentions, financial support is needed, I know he would appreciate it. Send him some $'s as soon as is possible. The election is on March 5. www.connollyforjudge.com.
GOOD LUCK SEAN!!!!!! (ed. note - there's a run-off!)
A surprising lack of new news has been heard recently. Therefore we go to old news. Blane is fat...Dave Baxter is fatter. Tom Ferranti is becoming more of a goober etc.
Chairman Fishman recently entered snobville by becoming a country club member. Luckily for him, none of you types would be allowed there! Nick P moved into his new fur showroom in NYC. Very nice digs. Sleek, modern, stylish....yeah I know, just like Nick. Good Luck with it Nick.
No truth to the rumors that both Larry A and Roman are having more kids. If true however that would be 9 for Larry and 8 for Roman.
At last report the CGH golf course was in trouble. Scott B notifies me that the town of Mahwah has vetoed our proposal. Now you see why we need a JUDGE CONNOLLY!!!!
Hope all had a good New Year
Keep in touch
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 9/20/01)
Another 'Shot from the Bunker': (written by Eric filling in for Scoop) Well obviously this years tourni did not take place. Thanks to all of you for checking on Linda and I.We got home on Sunday without a problem. On the lighter side of all this, it is true that I did win the CGH for the first time in about 15 years. But, as CGH rules state clearly, I was disqualified because Linda was present during the playing of the tourni (I was the only participant). You know the rules...NO WOMEN on the Hat!!! Therefore, Blane continues his reign as champion until next year. Speaking of next year............The 2002 CGH has ben scheduled back in New Orleans for Sept 19-22, 2002. Please reserve the dates.I expect better attendance. Details to follow soon. Refunds for this years Hat are being worked on and I will have results soon. Everyone stay well
Eric Chairman,CGH
(Posted 9/4/01)
Dateline: Bar floor at Paddy OBriens NO.
The field is set for this years CGH. A smaller than usual field will vie
for the prized trophy. Blane's defense begins with the 'AM' round on
Thursday. Although the group is small the talent is large. Other then our
defending champ the field boasts 8 other former Hats. Of course this years
pre Hat talk raises the usual questions. Can Blane repeat? Can the legendary
Fishman return to the winners circle? Will Brian get three Hats in four
years? Will a Baxter contend? Will we be able to find Nick, Jimmy and Tommy
after four days in the Big Easy?
Answers start on the 13th!!!!
INFO:
Hotel... Holiday Inn FQ, Royal St. and Iberville. #504 529 7211
Bus departs at hotel at 1pm on Thursday for Ormand GC.("AM" round)
If you fly in after 12:30p, you may need to taxi directly to Ormand
GC.Otherwise taxi to hotel.
Mandatory group field trip on Friday morning. 8am Hotel departure.
Chairman Fishman will arrive in NO on Monday the 10th and will be at the
Holiday Inn.Blane, Drew Tommy, David and maybe others will be in town on
Wednesday. Please let Eric know your precise details this week.
Handicaps:
David B. 0
Eric F. 0
Blane 0 *defending champ
Roman 10
Jimmy 10
Drew 15
Craig 15
Brian 15
Jeff 15
Tom 15
Don 25
Nick 25
Course list:
Thursday Ormand 2p
Friday Timberlane 1p
Saturday English Turn 1p
Sunday Lakewood 7.30a
To all who couldn't make it.... we won't miss ya!!!
To all who are coming....Let's party
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 6/23/01)
To all CGHers:
Well the golf season is well under way and the next CGH is just around
the corner. Just wanted to give you some updates on all matters Hat.
First to tell you is that there have been high level talks for many
months to have our own golf course. That's right, a CGH only golf course
owned by the CGH. Well, I am pleased to announce, that our goal took a huge
step forward recently. The CGH has acquired a 44 acre parcel of land in
Mahwah NJ. This will eventually be developed into our own little golf
heaven. The CGH would like to thank Scott Baxter for funding and donating
this tract of land.We eagerly await Scott's constructing of the course,
clubhouse,and all other facilities.
Second item to share is the reemergence of Dave Greenberg. Dave,as you
all know, is the all time CGH champion with 5 titles. Dave, who had been in
Israel for a while, was in town recently and Blaine, Dave Baxter and Eric had
a chance to tee it up with him. To be honest, his game has suffered. Penalty
strokes, chunks and skulls dominated his round. A word of advice to Mr.
Greenberg. Practice a little before you show up again next time.
I know many of you have already made your travel plans to New Orleans. The
trip is coming soon so best make arrangements now!! Eric will be in NO on
Monday. A few others are coming in on Wednesday. The more the merrier!!!
It Is time to start sending money. The deadline is Aug. 1st and it is
firm!!!!!
Looking forward to kicking some CGH butt!!!!!!!!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 3/01/01)
To all CGHers:
In this edition of Shots from the Bunker I want to officially announce this years tournament. We will be in New Orleans La. on Sept 13-16,2001. New Orleans is Americas ultimate party town.I am concerned that some of our whimpier participants will not be able to handle the night life on this trip. To legally protect the CGH from lawsuits after the fact, our policy will be NO PUSSIES ALLOWED!!! in NO!!! Our courses will be English Turn, Lakewood,Timberlane and Ormond. Please check this site for further details. In other items... Dave Greenberg has resurfaced. The all time CGH title holder can be reached at delray99@email.com .He has been in Israel and Switzerland and reports that he has been playing lots of golf. He also informed me that he has become the first CGH er to play in the Israeli Open Golf Tournament.(Now there is a tough field). Your entry into tournaments worldwide only adds to the CGH prestige. On a sad note. Scott Baxter has snapped. In an effort to lose some of his substancial weight,he has resorted to the EZone diet delivery service. Yes!, three times a day he gets his b,l,d delivered to his door. Enticing meals of steamed carrots,boiled meats and a jelly bean for dessert. All for only about $2000 a month. Please Scott... Come back to us!!!! Strong rumors of the return of Gregg Chase to the Hat. I know, I know...a real treat. To those of you unaware, Sean is now married. Ass before tea kettle, but a done deal. Brian informs me that he has been hitting the miniature golf circuit with his son Trevor. "This will prepare me like never before for the CGH",Brian proclaimed recently.(Note: Trevor has been whipping him for milk money regularly) See you in Sept. Eric
ps. This just in... Blaine and Dave Baxter have also signed up to the EZone in an effort to fit through a door.
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(posted 10/02/00)
To all CGH'ers:
Dateline : Scottsdale AZ.
As the official undercover reporter of the CGH, it is my duty as always,to tell What Really Happened on the Green Hat. I now offer verifyable facts, accurate truths and reliable accounts.(The heat is already talking)
Blaine: Nice guy,fine win.Thought the "butt dart board" has about doubled since last year.Was not looking to special rolling around like Shamu on the van floor on Sat nite but I guess after about 25 tequilas he gets a pass.Wonder what next years fake surgery excuse for 10 strokes will be, Penile Implant?
Kevin:Has now taken over as the CGH bridesmaid.At least he didn't run home this year with the shits.Next to Brian he needed a hat the most in AZ.Better luck next year!
Drew:Tried the dark horse routine.More like a dapple grey routine but you get the idea.(hair joke?).Clearly the move from ATT to INTEL has helped the golf game.I will point out how,after this week, both companies are in the crapper. Anybody else see a link?
Scott B: All together now...We'll pass on the plane ride!!! For those unaware, Air Baxter had a little scare on the way home. They had to emergency land in Indiana. Don't worry though, reliable sources tell me that Scott offered the pilot $10 million for the lone life vest! And you wondered where the "Hawk" name came from.
Jeff: Other than thinking that Bank One ballpark was in Tuscon,Jeff had a good weekend.He is fully recovered from his bout with Saturday Night Fever.Had a great shot off the retaining wall on Thursday. Traveled over three hundred yds!Made 7
Brian: Thank God it's over!!!! We can all get back to a more normal world.Did anyone else think the desert looked like Brian's forehead!(yes, a cheap lack of hair joke!) Had two hole outs at Troon on Saturday afternoon. Wished for just one on Saturday nite!
David B:Is there a girl in AZ that has bigger breasts than Dave? He and Fish got toasted by the "dart". At least Jen didn't show this year although I could have used the free drinks. PS...What are your odds on winning the hat this year DAVE!!!
Craig: pretty good showing for rookie. Made obvious rookie blunder by heading out on Friday with Paul. Slept through just about anything worthwhile on this trip. One other note to Craig...We have all heard the ...."next year on the equator"...joke already. One decent line in ten years and he beats it to death.
Eric: once again was robbed.For more info on our leader...http://gps.lhric.org/middle/ems/franciscofranco.htm Now theres a dictator you can be proud of. I also think this chairman thing has gone to his head.
Tom F:Bet you wish your on course hip movements were as good as your dance floor ones.Next year Tom is in charge of the vans and parking!
Larry: He's got 4 kids and gave me nothing the entire weekend.
Alan:Consistency is his strength.Helped Tom get the van back.Definately does the best play by play of his golf game of anyone. Pick up the Pace.
Paul:Due to legal restrictions we can say nothing of Paul's weekend."Please" come back next year.
Nick: Line of the tourney.At least he didn't were his trademark black out there.Can you believe that they sell furs out there? The Marco Polo is actually short for Marco Pologeorgis( that was a reach)
Roman: Nice tourney.Zach could have done better.After rooming together, you and Alan are closer? I hope. Smooth moves. Learn them by the Rivshka? Boston still sucks!
Matt B: Handeled the heat well. Two days of diarrhea and he orders the chicken fried steak. Want to change your pronouncement that you will "never fly coach again". It's an annual poll...by a 16 to 1 vote with one abstention....Jay's the better cousin.
Sean: Leaping,heat seeking cactus!!!! Enough said
Don:Keep working on the game. "it's coming along!" If I played like that I'd be chewing alot more than snuff.All together now... WASSSUP!!!
Tom Z: Why would an educated and elegant man like Tom decide to join this group? Free scotch and waters, that's why!!!
One final note before I submit this to the Comedy Hall of Fame. If it's hot in New Orleans next year. And it may be. To all of you whiners and complainers.Please leave the capri pants home and bring sun dresses!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
To: All CGHers
From: Scoop Bogey (7/11/00)
Subject: CGH2K
It's been awhile since my last filing of "Shots from the Bunker", As a matter of fact the last edition came just after Brian's rather disturbing defense at the Cape. With this time gap in mind,I have a few items to catch up on. Regarding last years finish and the historic opportunity for Brian to be the first three peat champ in the CGH, I call upon all of you who are planning to be in AZ to start now to practice, take lessons, buy new clubs or any other means necessary(obligatory Malcolm X reference) to stop the "Woody Train". It's not that Brian is a bad guy(Yes he is) or he has bad hair (yes he does), its just that he is so obnoxious!! He was even telling me the other day that as the reigning champion, he was asked to travel to China and play golf over there as a guest of Premier Li Ping(or Ping Ling or some such). He then goes over there,as our representative, and shoots 113!!! What an embarrassment!! He must be stopped this time around. I beg you all!!!! Rumors and Notes: Gregg is talking about a return to the CGH Recently played with Drew and Alan...No danger of a title there. Blaine is going to have shoulder surgery...no truth the injury was caused by !@#$ing off. Butt Dart Rules! Tom Ferranti claims to playing alot in Tenn. Also can now sing every song by Leeann Rimes. Dave Baxter is a fat pussy toad. He is 4-0 versus Fishman so far this season. Scott Baxter is still upset they cancelled that "Who wants to marry a Millionaire" show Kevin recently had a baby boy. Mother and son are fine...father is a wreck.
As mentioned, Arizona is this years site. This is the second time the CGH has found its way to the desert. The last time we were there (Fall 1991), Nick stormed from behind to win his Hat. As memory serves he shot a gross 86, which is a still CGH record net of 61, to come from more than 10 strokes off the pace. The courses on this trip will be far better than the last time. We will be playing three of Arizona's top ten and the Number 1 course in the state in Troon North's Pinnacle course.
I hope all of you will make it and PLEASE, PLEASE don't make me chase the Dollars!!! Keep up to date on all CGH news on covetedgreenhat.com and please participate with jokes,stories or comments. Send them to Drew.
See you all in AZ!!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
Brian Wood lashed back with....
----- Original Message ----- From: Brian Wood <bwoodfamily@email.msn.com> To: <efishman@bellatlantic.net> Sent: Monday, July 24, 2000 7:29 PM Subject: Sour Grapes
Dear Scoop: Your 7/11 report is a disgrace to the history and tradition of the CGH and what the Green Hat stands for. Just because Eric Fishman needs to go to St Andrews to take bunker lessons from David Duval doesn't give you the right to call out to the CGH field to gang up on Tiger (oops, I mean Brian) Wood!
I just returned from Hong Kong, and I can tell you they are turning red with anger. To set the record straight, the golf course is the world famous Golden Lake Golf Club in Nanhai, China (Guangdong Province). You need to put the score in perspective, this is no Bowling Green cow pasture, China's champion Terrence Lai shot a 145 against my 113. To help you out scoop, that is a 32 stroke margin of victory (Similar to Fishman's typical margin of defeat at each CGH). You probably don't need to call upon all CGH'ers to defeat me, the food in China has managed to do more to hurt my ability to defend the title than all the private lessons from Butch Harmon that Scott Baxter can afford. (Actually, Michelle's Cape Cod shopping sprees may ultimately end my chances for a three peat). So in summary, for once be man enough to let your performance on the links prove your point instead of stooping to bad hair jokes. The year 2000 will prove to be rich in history. Tiger Woods has a career grand slam, can Brian Wood top that with a CGH three peat? Time will tell. Regards, Brian Wood Two-Time CGH Champion
Prompting Scoop to bang on his keyboard until this rubbish came out:
Another "Shot from the Bunker"
Response to B.Wood
I take offense to your reckless and humorless accusations. I was simply relating to all CGH'ers the facts not only of your China trip but also your hairline. To attack our BELOVED chairman(not since chairman Mao Tse Tung have so many loved one man) to try to deflect your obvious panic of your upcoming defense is pathetic. I am familiar,thanks to secret sources, of your recent golf fiasco on Cape Cod. I am also familiar with the Golden Lake GC of Wangdong Province. To say this is a tough course is ridiculous. It's SHORT and you play from the YELLOW tees. (lame enough?).
I can understand why you are fearful of Mr. Fishman's upcoming performance in AZ. but please, please leave the great one alone.
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
Webmaster's Note:
It pains me to have to side with the 2-time CGH Champion here, as his obnoxious and cavalier attitude make it difficult to stomach the prospect of a "Three-Peat in the Heat" at CGH2K. And while I agree the man must be stopped, can Scoop please do just one thing? Win a freakin' CGH! You play 5 times more golf than anybody I know, and yet you haven't won a Green Hat since the Reagan Administration. If you want to end the madness that is Brian's ego, well, put up, or shut up. Seriously, you think I'm going to be able to do anything about it? You've SEEN me play recently, you should know better. I got thrown off of a miniature golf course while playing with my kids last week because I didn't replace my divots... Nick? He'll be too busy searching for desert foxes (always looking for a pelt, you know). Blaine? I heard he's still in rehab. Roman? Perhaps a threat, but chances are he'll crumble on the final round, as will Kevin, who I'm sure is just completely freaked out by fatherhood. You are the man, Fishman, let's see that finely honed game of yours.
DB
More from Eric:
Drew et al,
The out pouring of venom recently at me and Mr. Bogey is concerning. Where has CGH golf etiquette gone? Must you all be so jealous and desperate to "be like Fish" that you would throw away yourself respect in such a vile manner. It pains me to see and hear the comments from Drew Berry. Drew who should renew his Grecian Formula prescription and start trying to break 115.And the comments from Mr. Wood, our illustrious...oops thats the reflection off of his forhead....champion. He had to go to his home equity loan just to pay for the upcoming trip after his wife bought about $300k worth of antique photos. If its antique photos she wanted, she could have just as easily bought some of her husbands baby pictures from Harry!
I have heard rumors that more CGHers are preparing to express themselves on these pages. BE WARNED! I live in the Caldwells...right around the corner from this years newest CGH rookie, Tony Soprano!! Who wants to room with Uncle Pussy after a night of beer drinking?
Eric Fishman
The official field for the 2000 CGH and Hcps:
David Baxter 0
Eric Fishman * 0
Matt Baxter 0
Sean Connolly* 5
Roman Leniw * 5
Paul Abranovic 10
Kevin Slaboda * 10
Larry Aube* 10
Brian Wood*** 15
Craig Zando(R) 15
Jeff May* 15
Tom Ferranti 15
Drew Berry 20
Alan Guenzel 20
Scott Baxter 20
Don Pogany 20
Nick Pologeorgis* 25
Blaine Tierney TBA
* former champion
*** defending champion
(R) Rookie
First round pairings (Friday at Tonto Verde):
Noon:
Brian W ( 1st tee honor)
David B
Nick P
Scott B
Alan G
Sean C
Eric F
Larry A
Kevin S
Don P
Craig Z
Matt B
Drew B
Roman L
Paul A
Blaine T
Jeff M
Tom F
The AM round and the 2nd tourny round pairings are self determined and Sunday's finale will be paired via the scorecards.
Hcp adjustments are always opened to cash based discussions!!!!
Good Luck
Eric
David Baxter Makes Some Bold Predictions:
I'm feeling the Arizona heat already, therefore it is time that a real golfer
makes his predictions.....
Fishman wins CGH 2000 = 1,000 to 1
Scoop Bogey get is ass kicked = 1 to 10,000
Blaine Tierney pulls his other rotator cuff while flogging the dolphin =1 to 50
Nick gets bit by a rattle snake whille looking for lost ball = 1 to 10
Nick comes home with rattle snake boots = 5 to 4
Brian Wood gets sunburn on his head = 1 to 2
Ferranti sings country tunes into an empty Jack Daniels bottle = 2 to 5
Kevin leaves Scottsdale early for bowel problems = 9 to 5
Paul Abranovic get slapped by a stripper while getting a lap dance = 4 to 5
Matt Baxter's bitches about his strokes = 1 to 100
Roman and Alan get arrested for solicitation = even
Ed Viola shows up to another hat = 5,000,000 to 1
Jeff May falls into toilet = 9 to 5
A Baxter wins the hat 4 to 5
Let's dispense with the usual frivolity and get right to the matter…
The final round controversy!
As I listened to the participants discuss the issue with the chairman after the round, one thing came to mind. Who are these two fat bastards and have they entered menopause already!
As a summary, Dave picked up a three footer without it being given on Sunday at #17. Blane reacted by deciding to pick up his 8 footer in retaliation…good-good I guess. Roman who was the third member of the group in typical fashion did nothing (what a weasel). The two heifers got into it. Nose to nose and breast to breast! It must have looked like a red faced cow version of Jerry Springer. White boy Sumo! As we know by now, Dave ended up one stroke in front at the finish. It was then revealed that a similar incident happened earlier in the round. Dave picking up and Blane picking up a longer one. What is the chairman to do? I asked him. His response," I suck, I can't believe how bad I played again this year, get me another Madelia light!"
Of course, in the future, standards will be raised. Check out the archives section to see a couple of new rules and procedures. Yes, even the CGH has succumbed to the era of legal overkill. WHY?
Because two fat bastards cheat like Bill Belicheck.
Isn't it a shame that I have to spend time and this valuable space speaking of issues like these instead of Roman and Jeff's final round collapse and Dave, Jimmy and Blane's hunt for…"sexual relations".
All for now
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
The Scoop Bogey File: Previous Posts and Retorts:
(Posted 11/2005)
Dateline: Williamsburg Va.
Scoop Bogey Reports
To all CGHers:
Sorry for the delay. All the havoc created by the CIA leak investigation stalled my ability to do what I am hired to do. That, of course, is to tell the REAL story at this years CGH tourney in CV.
Most of my comments will be minor because there is really only one big story from this years outing. I do want to ouch on a few items first.
It was fun to have Joe Duffus back at the Hat. No one can tell a joke about Adlai Stevenson like him. Boy, that was funny! Memo to Joe: Mark Russell isn't that good.
Ever had a waitress serve waffles with a chaw in her mouth?
What is it about Houston that produces such gutless performers. Both Jeff G and Todd claiming that their poor finishes were blamed on a tight hamstring. Where have I heard this before? Is that a Houston thing??
Clearly the lack of a go-go bar on this trip didn't affect Craig. He obviously performs just as bad whether his putter is hard or soft.
And the whining about the course at Stonehouse. What a pussy! Can't handle a real golf course unlike that "muni" you belong to?
Did anybody watch Eric at the BBQ joint? Man, how many pig ribs can a Jew from NJ eat? I can't even imagine what it must have been like sleeping in his room that night.
Speaking of the BBQ place. There must have been 200 people in there...and 300 teeth. HAHAHA!
I did want to add to some of the vitriolic comments made about Blane. I think most were too harsh. Yes, he did pull out at the last minute. But what needs to factored in is this is a recurring theme in his life.It explains so much about him, his inability to not pull out at the last minute. Here's hoping that one of his 2006 resolutions will be,"I,Blane Tierney, will not pull out at the last minute this year!"
Quick ping pong summary: Tommy talks trash, Tommy gets trashed. Reduced to playing Jimmy for an hour and a half. Tough match!
All this is really preamble to the big issue:
THE BRIAN WOOD CHOKE!!!
I don't really know what to say. This was the single biggest collapse in CGH history. An 8...a snowman...a quad on the 18th hole!!!
He even resorted to questioning the scores. Blaming the handicaps.
Brian, How do you live with yourself? How do you get up in the morning? How do you not beat your kids and kick the dog OR beat the dog and kick the kids? Which side of trans-gender do you fall? Have you lost your hair just on your head or everywhere else as well?
Over the last few years, we have all heard a lot of trash talk from Mr. Wood. Bragging about his two titles. Remember "Threepeat in the Heat"?
Well all that ended on a beautiful Sunday at the Horseshoe. A "day that will live in infamy"
Brian should be ashamed.
A great trip, see you next year.
Rumor is ALABAMA!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 10/2004)
To all CGHers:
Subject: Shot from the Bunker
It was once again my task to disclose to the world the real truth of the CGH. My mysterious persona gives me access that no one else has to tell it like it was. The first thing is that hotel rooms were no accident. I'm just surprised no one else figured out what almost proved to be a master stroke by the commish. Anything to win!! Getting rooms small enough that Tom and Jimmy could have been legally married back in Mass. was pure genius. Group opinion, Tom should have eaten the bug. And what's with Craig? He was either talking about or paying for Bush all weekend. "Cougars and Pros" , "this place is strong" ...shut up, you played like a pussy!!! ps. You did redeem yourself with the nightlife stuff. Speaking of Pussies, Brian trash talking our illustrious commish on Friday over dinner. Challenging him! On the course on Sat! Opening with what, triple quad triple quad! Last seen, Brian driving over the horizon back to Detroit with a mouthful of Advil. ps. Anders blows! I thought Tom mounted a nice defense. Tino taking a little out of you big boy? What is Jimmy always looking for? How over rated was Glen Abbey? Who didn't try that 208yd bunker shot on 18? Rainout!!! We fucked Eric again. What's it been? Reagan 1 since your last win? What are we to say about Jeff G? Getting married in a couple of months. Dumb Bastard!! Look at the misery of the others! Roman did play pretty well and maybe deserved the Hat but wouldn't of agreeing to a Rocky/Apollo Creed thing with Eric and Blane been cool!! If you want to go down as an Italian marathoner or Paul Hamm, so be it. It was nice to have Alan back but what was he doing to Roman every night to get him to play so well? Are you a cougar or a pro? A moment to discuss those that did not make the trip: Dave Baxter, fag. Nick, Greek fag. Larry, Red Sox fan (i.e.. miserable fag). Sean (wants to be mayor of fags). Tony (country club fag). Does anybody even remember Jeff M being on the trip? And finally...Blane! I have been writing this column for nearly twenty years and never have I been speechless before. How does one describe the scene on Saturday. The heathlands of the Canadian plane, under a gentle breeze...and then ...I can't even describe it! Look up in the sky...is that the moon? Armies from the south...armies from the north. Lightening and fire erupt...animals run for cover. Mountains shake, oceans stir. My Lord!, The gods are fighting!!! And then silence... A 10ft roll for birdie and all is well. Amen! Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
The Scoop Bogey File: Previous Posts and Retorts:
(Posted 9/2003)
To all CGHers:
Subject: Shot from the Bunker
Reporter: Scoop Bogey
Another year and another Hat!!! Sweet victory for Tom Ferranti.Congrats and all that but the triumph was not accomplished without some tragedy. That is my role as the CGH undercover reporter , of course, to relay the tragedy. To tell the real truth about what happened in Jax !!! So let's begin.
The first subject has to be the incredible collapse of Jeff "pussy boy" Groudan. He earned his new moniker by imploding faster on Sunday than Saddam's Medina division outside Baghdad!! Not that Tom shouldn't be proud of his victory but when you win by shooting a "little 111"...geez!! And by the way Tom...How's that training for the next marathon coming? Cigs and G and T's!!! -
Speaking of marathons and other things Olympic and Greek...we wish Nick N all the best trying to make the Olympic Greek National baseball team. Can't you see it next summer, Athens...gold medal game... USA v Greece...Score tied...bottom of the ninth...Nathenas striding to the plate... cigarette in mouth!!...Bat in one hand ...beer in the other...the weight of his nation resting on ....
DREAM OVER!!!! -
How bad was the performance in the night life category? Simply put, Blane (the butt dart) was our chick magnet in Jax beach!! Enough said.
The highlight was some girl flashing Jimmy and Tony at some high school bar.WOW... titties!!!
Back to the bar at the Marriot!
Nick P is giving poker lessons again. -
Speaking of Nick P. The score is in. Hurricane Isabel wrecked 45 homes, big deal. Nick wrecked over 50 at Hidden Hills alone!! -
You wonder why the a Mideast peace plan has not been done. We managed to do it while eating a rack of ribs and chicken wings. -
Last year in NO we lost Jimmy. This year he lost his clubs. This one is just too easy. -
Has there ever been higher scores shot than on Sunday at TPC. Tony, five balls in on 17 alone! Whew, that was tough to witness. Roman's sterling bunker play.(Did you strike water in that trap). Jeff May, 114 !! Larry/Arnie, whatever your name is, break 110 just once, could you!! That country club thing has really helped your game.-
Worst site: Eight of us lined up by the pool. Looked like a row of yellow squash at the supermarket. -
"Bermuda grass...I hate Bermuda grass!!" -
Nick, it's a left off the highway! -
Roman enjoyed the Hall of Fame. Have we mentioned that he is also a Hall of Famer. (this was a paid message). -
To those who missed the trip this year... we had a blast without you...grow some balls and be in Toronto!! -
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 6/25/03)
Hello all, it's time for the US Open edition of "Shot from the Bunker"
Alot has happened since Nick's shocking victory in NO. Before we move on to current events however, a few thoughts on NO. For those that missed the trip, it was a great time. Booze, golf, more booze, more golf, K pauls, more golf, more booze, home!! In other words a top CGH experience.
Of course by now, you all know the saga of this years site. We were going to Toronto, had everything booked and then a mysterious disease hit which caused us to change are plans. No it wasn't SARS. We have no Asians on the trip! Monkey pox was the real reason for the switch. We felt it was just too dangerous, what with certain CGH participants "interest" in wild animals. O' c'mon. You can't see Blane and a monkey!
So we changed to Florida, Jacksonville and the famed TPC. Roman of course will be spending all his non golf time by the "fountain of youth". I hope all will make the effort to attend. Hell, the price is right. (note: for any Wednesday attendees we have a special offer to play a top course for a really low price.)
Other notes:
This one is almost untypeable it's so cool. A CGHer completed a marathon. Yes, it's true. Tommy F.finished the Nashville marathon in 4:06. Being that the rest of us can't run up a flight of stairs anymore, that time is a new CGH marathon record. PS. He lost like 30lbs, quit smoking and looks great. Note to Jimmy and Nick, in FLA., take him down!!
Congrats Tom!!!
As you all know by now, CGH chairman Eric had a baby boy. He reports that Jake speaks three languages and is already a six handicap!!
Drew was at game 7 and watched the Devils win the Stanley Cup. Problem was he was so drunk he thought Jerry August should have won the Conn Smythe. (Dennis Ververgart my ass!!)
Sad to report that 2 time CGH champ Brian will not be at this years tourni. Seems it's his sisters wedding that weekend. I find this excuse and his choice unacceptable. Clearly Brian should also be wearing white that weekend. (its a virgin joke...I guess if you have to explain it)
Alan will be back this trip this year. Oh, no he won't. Oh, yes he will. Oh, no he......
Deja vu all over again. Blane just had surgery again. This time on his knee.( stress related injury I guess) Remember what happened the last time he had surgery???? You got it, he got drunk and picked up ugly hookers. I can't wait to see what he draws in retiree heaven.
I'm done.
See you all in Florida.
Start thinking about the pool: "How many CGH balls in the water on 17?"
(Posted 9/8/02)
The time is almost here. This years "Hat" is primed and ready to go. The
field is prepping as we speak. 12 former 'hats' dot the field being led by
the defender Blaine Tierney. The challenges of this years site, namely tough
golf and potential liver disease, have culled a special group. Our feature
course is the PGA tour site, English Turn. A long and tough Jack track with
a great 17th and 18th hole. Can you reach 18 in two???
The weather is expected to be hazy, hot and humid. The city has been
preparing for our nightly assaults. Will Tom, Jimmy and Nick actually sleep
during the weekend??
Best of luck to all!!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 4/26/02, submitted 1/8/02)
To all: Another "Shot from the Bunker"
Hope this missive finds you all well and starting to prepare for golf
season. As the site mentions, all details are in place for this years "Hat".
Sorry it took so long to update the site. We have renovated our systems to
provide more technology. This renovation makes us the only entity doing any
IT spending at the moment.
A couple of updates: For those of you unaware, CGH original member Loy did
have successful quad bypass surgery last month. He is doing fine and will be
returning to the Phillippines soon. As a tribute to Loy, at this years
tourney in NO, we will all have a group cholesterol check...handicap
adjusted of course.
Sean won his March race for judge in SF county. The problem is he
didn't get the needed 50% so he will be in a run off in Nov. It's him and
the "les" in a fight to the finish. Does anybody else think that her victory
party will be more fun!!!
Dave B. fell off a horse....enough said!! He is actually healing and
will be in form by Sept. Dave- realize the fact, your brother is trying to
get rid of you.
Kevin has another bun in the oven.
Drew has been deleted!!
One thing to keep in mind going into this years outing is the number of us
turning 40. More to come on that in NO.
I hope all will be in there.
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 4/21/02, submitted 1/8/02)
The details for the 2002 Hat have been set. I recently sent out detail sheets. Please hold on to these sheets and reserve the dates. We need to make a big return to competition after last years situation. There is no question that CGH chairman Fishman has a huge advantage after his one week scouting trip to NO. He suggests that you all start your season early this year.
Notes:
Also sent out to you all was a notice of brother Sean's run for judge. As it mentions, financial support is needed, I know he would appreciate it. Send him some $'s as soon as is possible. The election is on March 5. www.connollyforjudge.com.
GOOD LUCK SEAN!!!!!! (ed. note - there's a run-off!)
A surprising lack of new news has been heard recently. Therefore we go to old news. Blane is fat...Dave Baxter is fatter. Tom Ferranti is becoming more of a goober etc.
Chairman Fishman recently entered snobville by becoming a country club member. Luckily for him, none of you types would be allowed there! Nick P moved into his new fur showroom in NYC. Very nice digs. Sleek, modern, stylish....yeah I know, just like Nick. Good Luck with it Nick.
No truth to the rumors that both Larry A and Roman are having more kids. If true however that would be 9 for Larry and 8 for Roman.
At last report the CGH golf course was in trouble. Scott B notifies me that the town of Mahwah has vetoed our proposal. Now you see why we need a JUDGE CONNOLLY!!!!
Hope all had a good New Year
Keep in touch
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 9/20/01)
Another 'Shot from the Bunker': (written by Eric filling in for Scoop) Well obviously this years tourni did not take place. Thanks to all of you for checking on Linda and I.We got home on Sunday without a problem. On the lighter side of all this, it is true that I did win the CGH for the first time in about 15 years. But, as CGH rules state clearly, I was disqualified because Linda was present during the playing of the tourni (I was the only participant). You know the rules...NO WOMEN on the Hat!!! Therefore, Blane continues his reign as champion until next year. Speaking of next year............The 2002 CGH has ben scheduled back in New Orleans for Sept 19-22, 2002. Please reserve the dates.I expect better attendance. Details to follow soon. Refunds for this years Hat are being worked on and I will have results soon. Everyone stay well
Eric Chairman,CGH
(Posted 9/4/01)
Dateline: Bar floor at Paddy OBriens NO.
The field is set for this years CGH. A smaller than usual field will vie
for the prized trophy. Blane's defense begins with the 'AM' round on
Thursday. Although the group is small the talent is large. Other then our
defending champ the field boasts 8 other former Hats. Of course this years
pre Hat talk raises the usual questions. Can Blane repeat? Can the legendary
Fishman return to the winners circle? Will Brian get three Hats in four
years? Will a Baxter contend? Will we be able to find Nick, Jimmy and Tommy
after four days in the Big Easy?
Answers start on the 13th!!!!
INFO:
Hotel... Holiday Inn FQ, Royal St. and Iberville. #504 529 7211
Bus departs at hotel at 1pm on Thursday for Ormand GC.("AM" round)
If you fly in after 12:30p, you may need to taxi directly to Ormand
GC.Otherwise taxi to hotel.
Mandatory group field trip on Friday morning. 8am Hotel departure.
Chairman Fishman will arrive in NO on Monday the 10th and will be at the
Holiday Inn.Blane, Drew Tommy, David and maybe others will be in town on
Wednesday. Please let Eric know your precise details this week.
Handicaps:
David B. 0
Eric F. 0
Blane 0 *defending champ
Roman 10
Jimmy 10
Drew 15
Craig 15
Brian 15
Jeff 15
Tom 15
Don 25
Nick 25
Course list:
Thursday Ormand 2p
Friday Timberlane 1p
Saturday English Turn 1p
Sunday Lakewood 7.30a
To all who couldn't make it.... we won't miss ya!!!
To all who are coming....Let's party
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 6/23/01)
To all CGHers:
Well the golf season is well under way and the next CGH is just around
the corner. Just wanted to give you some updates on all matters Hat.
First to tell you is that there have been high level talks for many
months to have our own golf course. That's right, a CGH only golf course
owned by the CGH. Well, I am pleased to announce, that our goal took a huge
step forward recently. The CGH has acquired a 44 acre parcel of land in
Mahwah NJ. This will eventually be developed into our own little golf
heaven. The CGH would like to thank Scott Baxter for funding and donating
this tract of land.We eagerly await Scott's constructing of the course,
clubhouse,and all other facilities.
Second item to share is the reemergence of Dave Greenberg. Dave,as you
all know, is the all time CGH champion with 5 titles. Dave, who had been in
Israel for a while, was in town recently and Blaine, Dave Baxter and Eric had
a chance to tee it up with him. To be honest, his game has suffered. Penalty
strokes, chunks and skulls dominated his round. A word of advice to Mr.
Greenberg. Practice a little before you show up again next time.
I know many of you have already made your travel plans to New Orleans. The
trip is coming soon so best make arrangements now!! Eric will be in NO on
Monday. A few others are coming in on Wednesday. The more the merrier!!!
It Is time to start sending money. The deadline is Aug. 1st and it is
firm!!!!!
Looking forward to kicking some CGH butt!!!!!!!!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(Posted 3/01/01)
To all CGHers:
In this edition of Shots from the Bunker I want to officially announce this years tournament. We will be in New Orleans La. on Sept 13-16,2001. New Orleans is Americas ultimate party town.I am concerned that some of our whimpier participants will not be able to handle the night life on this trip. To legally protect the CGH from lawsuits after the fact, our policy will be NO PUSSIES ALLOWED!!! in NO!!! Our courses will be English Turn, Lakewood,Timberlane and Ormond. Please check this site for further details. In other items... Dave Greenberg has resurfaced. The all time CGH title holder can be reached at delray99@email.com .He has been in Israel and Switzerland and reports that he has been playing lots of golf. He also informed me that he has become the first CGH er to play in the Israeli Open Golf Tournament.(Now there is a tough field). Your entry into tournaments worldwide only adds to the CGH prestige. On a sad note. Scott Baxter has snapped. In an effort to lose some of his substancial weight,he has resorted to the EZone diet delivery service. Yes!, three times a day he gets his b,l,d delivered to his door. Enticing meals of steamed carrots,boiled meats and a jelly bean for dessert. All for only about $2000 a month. Please Scott... Come back to us!!!! Strong rumors of the return of Gregg Chase to the Hat. I know, I know...a real treat. To those of you unaware, Sean is now married. Ass before tea kettle, but a done deal. Brian informs me that he has been hitting the miniature golf circuit with his son Trevor. "This will prepare me like never before for the CGH",Brian proclaimed recently.(Note: Trevor has been whipping him for milk money regularly) See you in Sept. Eric
ps. This just in... Blaine and Dave Baxter have also signed up to the EZone in an effort to fit through a door.
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
(posted 10/02/00)
To all CGH'ers:
Dateline : Scottsdale AZ.
As the official undercover reporter of the CGH, it is my duty as always,to tell What Really Happened on the Green Hat. I now offer verifyable facts, accurate truths and reliable accounts.(The heat is already talking)
Blaine: Nice guy,fine win.Thought the "butt dart board" has about doubled since last year.Was not looking to special rolling around like Shamu on the van floor on Sat nite but I guess after about 25 tequilas he gets a pass.Wonder what next years fake surgery excuse for 10 strokes will be, Penile Implant?
Kevin:Has now taken over as the CGH bridesmaid.At least he didn't run home this year with the shits.Next to Brian he needed a hat the most in AZ.Better luck next year!
Drew:Tried the dark horse routine.More like a dapple grey routine but you get the idea.(hair joke?).Clearly the move from ATT to INTEL has helped the golf game.I will point out how,after this week, both companies are in the crapper. Anybody else see a link?
Scott B: All together now...We'll pass on the plane ride!!! For those unaware, Air Baxter had a little scare on the way home. They had to emergency land in Indiana. Don't worry though, reliable sources tell me that Scott offered the pilot $10 million for the lone life vest! And you wondered where the "Hawk" name came from.
Jeff: Other than thinking that Bank One ballpark was in Tuscon,Jeff had a good weekend.He is fully recovered from his bout with Saturday Night Fever.Had a great shot off the retaining wall on Thursday. Traveled over three hundred yds!Made 7
Brian: Thank God it's over!!!! We can all get back to a more normal world.Did anyone else think the desert looked like Brian's forehead!(yes, a cheap lack of hair joke!) Had two hole outs at Troon on Saturday afternoon. Wished for just one on Saturday nite!
David B:Is there a girl in AZ that has bigger breasts than Dave? He and Fish got toasted by the "dart". At least Jen didn't show this year although I could have used the free drinks. PS...What are your odds on winning the hat this year DAVE!!!
Craig: pretty good showing for rookie. Made obvious rookie blunder by heading out on Friday with Paul. Slept through just about anything worthwhile on this trip. One other note to Craig...We have all heard the ...."next year on the equator"...joke already. One decent line in ten years and he beats it to death.
Eric: once again was robbed.For more info on our leader...http://gps.lhric.org/middle/ems/franciscofranco.htm Now theres a dictator you can be proud of. I also think this chairman thing has gone to his head.
Tom F:Bet you wish your on course hip movements were as good as your dance floor ones.Next year Tom is in charge of the vans and parking!
Larry: He's got 4 kids and gave me nothing the entire weekend.
Alan:Consistency is his strength.Helped Tom get the van back.Definately does the best play by play of his golf game of anyone. Pick up the Pace.
Paul:Due to legal restrictions we can say nothing of Paul's weekend."Please" come back next year.
Nick: Line of the tourney.At least he didn't were his trademark black out there.Can you believe that they sell furs out there? The Marco Polo is actually short for Marco Pologeorgis( that was a reach)
Roman: Nice tourney.Zach could have done better.After rooming together, you and Alan are closer? I hope. Smooth moves. Learn them by the Rivshka? Boston still sucks!
Matt B: Handeled the heat well. Two days of diarrhea and he orders the chicken fried steak. Want to change your pronouncement that you will "never fly coach again". It's an annual poll...by a 16 to 1 vote with one abstention....Jay's the better cousin.
Sean: Leaping,heat seeking cactus!!!! Enough said
Don:Keep working on the game. "it's coming along!" If I played like that I'd be chewing alot more than snuff.All together now... WASSSUP!!!
Tom Z: Why would an educated and elegant man like Tom decide to join this group? Free scotch and waters, that's why!!!
One final note before I submit this to the Comedy Hall of Fame. If it's hot in New Orleans next year. And it may be. To all of you whiners and complainers.Please leave the capri pants home and bring sun dresses!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
To: All CGHers
From: Scoop Bogey (7/11/00)
Subject: CGH2K
It's been awhile since my last filing of "Shots from the Bunker", As a matter of fact the last edition came just after Brian's rather disturbing defense at the Cape. With this time gap in mind,I have a few items to catch up on. Regarding last years finish and the historic opportunity for Brian to be the first three peat champ in the CGH, I call upon all of you who are planning to be in AZ to start now to practice, take lessons, buy new clubs or any other means necessary(obligatory Malcolm X reference) to stop the "Woody Train". It's not that Brian is a bad guy(Yes he is) or he has bad hair (yes he does), its just that he is so obnoxious!! He was even telling me the other day that as the reigning champion, he was asked to travel to China and play golf over there as a guest of Premier Li Ping(or Ping Ling or some such). He then goes over there,as our representative, and shoots 113!!! What an embarrassment!! He must be stopped this time around. I beg you all!!!! Rumors and Notes: Gregg is talking about a return to the CGH Recently played with Drew and Alan...No danger of a title there. Blaine is going to have shoulder surgery...no truth the injury was caused by !@#$ing off. Butt Dart Rules! Tom Ferranti claims to playing alot in Tenn. Also can now sing every song by Leeann Rimes. Dave Baxter is a fat pussy toad. He is 4-0 versus Fishman so far this season. Scott Baxter is still upset they cancelled that "Who wants to marry a Millionaire" show Kevin recently had a baby boy. Mother and son are fine...father is a wreck.
As mentioned, Arizona is this years site. This is the second time the CGH has found its way to the desert. The last time we were there (Fall 1991), Nick stormed from behind to win his Hat. As memory serves he shot a gross 86, which is a still CGH record net of 61, to come from more than 10 strokes off the pace. The courses on this trip will be far better than the last time. We will be playing three of Arizona's top ten and the Number 1 course in the state in Troon North's Pinnacle course.
I hope all of you will make it and PLEASE, PLEASE don't make me chase the Dollars!!! Keep up to date on all CGH news on covetedgreenhat.com and please participate with jokes,stories or comments. Send them to Drew.
See you all in AZ!!!
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
Brian Wood lashed back with....
----- Original Message ----- From: Brian Wood <bwoodfamily@email.msn.com> To: <efishman@bellatlantic.net> Sent: Monday, July 24, 2000 7:29 PM Subject: Sour Grapes
Dear Scoop: Your 7/11 report is a disgrace to the history and tradition of the CGH and what the Green Hat stands for. Just because Eric Fishman needs to go to St Andrews to take bunker lessons from David Duval doesn't give you the right to call out to the CGH field to gang up on Tiger (oops, I mean Brian) Wood!
I just returned from Hong Kong, and I can tell you they are turning red with anger. To set the record straight, the golf course is the world famous Golden Lake Golf Club in Nanhai, China (Guangdong Province). You need to put the score in perspective, this is no Bowling Green cow pasture, China's champion Terrence Lai shot a 145 against my 113. To help you out scoop, that is a 32 stroke margin of victory (Similar to Fishman's typical margin of defeat at each CGH). You probably don't need to call upon all CGH'ers to defeat me, the food in China has managed to do more to hurt my ability to defend the title than all the private lessons from Butch Harmon that Scott Baxter can afford. (Actually, Michelle's Cape Cod shopping sprees may ultimately end my chances for a three peat). So in summary, for once be man enough to let your performance on the links prove your point instead of stooping to bad hair jokes. The year 2000 will prove to be rich in history. Tiger Woods has a career grand slam, can Brian Wood top that with a CGH three peat? Time will tell. Regards, Brian Wood Two-Time CGH Champion
Prompting Scoop to bang on his keyboard until this rubbish came out:
Another "Shot from the Bunker"
Response to B.Wood
I take offense to your reckless and humorless accusations. I was simply relating to all CGH'ers the facts not only of your China trip but also your hairline. To attack our BELOVED chairman(not since chairman Mao Tse Tung have so many loved one man) to try to deflect your obvious panic of your upcoming defense is pathetic. I am familiar,thanks to secret sources, of your recent golf fiasco on Cape Cod. I am also familiar with the Golden Lake GC of Wangdong Province. To say this is a tough course is ridiculous. It's SHORT and you play from the YELLOW tees. (lame enough?).
I can understand why you are fearful of Mr. Fishman's upcoming performance in AZ. but please, please leave the great one alone.
Scoop Bogey
Please address all comments to Scoop Bogey
Webmaster's Note:
It pains me to have to side with the 2-time CGH Champion here, as his obnoxious and cavalier attitude make it difficult to stomach the prospect of a "Three-Peat in the Heat" at CGH2K. And while I agree the man must be stopped, can Scoop please do just one thing? Win a freakin' CGH! You play 5 times more golf than anybody I know, and yet you haven't won a Green Hat since the Reagan Administration. If you want to end the madness that is Brian's ego, well, put up, or shut up. Seriously, you think I'm going to be able to do anything about it? You've SEEN me play recently, you should know better. I got thrown off of a miniature golf course while playing with my kids last week because I didn't replace my divots... Nick? He'll be too busy searching for desert foxes (always looking for a pelt, you know). Blaine? I heard he's still in rehab. Roman? Perhaps a threat, but chances are he'll crumble on the final round, as will Kevin, who I'm sure is just completely freaked out by fatherhood. You are the man, Fishman, let's see that finely honed game of yours.
DB
More from Eric:
Drew et al,
The out pouring of venom recently at me and Mr. Bogey is concerning. Where has CGH golf etiquette gone? Must you all be so jealous and desperate to "be like Fish" that you would throw away yourself respect in such a vile manner. It pains me to see and hear the comments from Drew Berry. Drew who should renew his Grecian Formula prescription and start trying to break 115.And the comments from Mr. Wood, our illustrious...oops thats the reflection off of his forhead....champion. He had to go to his home equity loan just to pay for the upcoming trip after his wife bought about $300k worth of antique photos. If its antique photos she wanted, she could have just as easily bought some of her husbands baby pictures from Harry!
I have heard rumors that more CGHers are preparing to express themselves on these pages. BE WARNED! I live in the Caldwells...right around the corner from this years newest CGH rookie, Tony Soprano!! Who wants to room with Uncle Pussy after a night of beer drinking?
Eric Fishman
The official field for the 2000 CGH and Hcps:
David Baxter 0
Eric Fishman * 0
Matt Baxter 0
Sean Connolly* 5
Roman Leniw * 5
Paul Abranovic 10
Kevin Slaboda * 10
Larry Aube* 10
Brian Wood*** 15
Craig Zando(R) 15
Jeff May* 15
Tom Ferranti 15
Drew Berry 20
Alan Guenzel 20
Scott Baxter 20
Don Pogany 20
Nick Pologeorgis* 25
Blaine Tierney TBA
* former champion
*** defending champion
(R) Rookie
First round pairings (Friday at Tonto Verde):
Noon:
Brian W ( 1st tee honor)
David B
Nick P
Scott B
Alan G
Sean C
Eric F
Larry A
Kevin S
Don P
Craig Z
Matt B
Drew B
Roman L
Paul A
Blaine T
Jeff M
Tom F
The AM round and the 2nd tourny round pairings are self determined and Sunday's finale will be paired via the scorecards.
Hcp adjustments are always opened to cash based discussions!!!!
Good Luck
Eric
David Baxter Makes Some Bold Predictions:
I'm feeling the Arizona heat already, therefore it is time that a real golfer
makes his predictions.....
Fishman wins CGH 2000 = 1,000 to 1
Scoop Bogey get is ass kicked = 1 to 10,000
Blaine Tierney pulls his other rotator cuff while flogging the dolphin =1 to 50
Nick gets bit by a rattle snake whille looking for lost ball = 1 to 10
Nick comes home with rattle snake boots = 5 to 4
Brian Wood gets sunburn on his head = 1 to 2
Ferranti sings country tunes into an empty Jack Daniels bottle = 2 to 5
Kevin leaves Scottsdale early for bowel problems = 9 to 5
Paul Abranovic get slapped by a stripper while getting a lap dance = 4 to 5
Matt Baxter's bitches about his strokes = 1 to 100
Roman and Alan get arrested for solicitation = even
Ed Viola shows up to another hat = 5,000,000 to 1
Jeff May falls into toilet = 9 to 5
A Baxter wins the hat 4 to 5